24/7 Negotiation in couples' transition to parenthood

Abstract

How do couples negotiate about their division of paid and unpaid work when they become parents? The division of work among couples has significantly changed in the past decades. This study focused on the underlying processes that lead couples to a certain division of paid and unpaid work. To unravel these negotiation processes, both longitudinal quantitative and qualitative data from before and after the birth of couples’ first child were analysed. The birth of the first child has a major impact on couples’ division of work, and couples appeared to rather implicitly negotiate about their division of work, often regarding it as ‘not worth mentioning’. Couples experience ambivalent feelings about their new roles as mothers and fathers which fuel the accumulation towards gendered patterns in their division of work. A tyranny of small decisions occurred in many couples who before the birth intended to share work equally and did not realize this after the birth. A gendered kick-off occurred in the period after the birth of the first child when mothers were on maternity leave and fathers continued working. Couples decided to re-allocate childcare tasks after maternity leave, then Dutch fathers spend one day paternity leave at home with the child. However, this reallocation after maternity leave appeared to be difficult. Fathers had built up less routines and skills with the baby, and mothers often kept the main responsibility for the child. Explicit discussion of their desires regarding the division of work, and deliberate investments in learning and sharing childcare tasks helped couples to counteract gendered forces. Also positive experiences with sharing childcare and fathers enjoying the immediate care for their child appeared to help couples to both share paid work and childcare. This study suggests that more explicit negotiations about their desired and actual division of paid and unpaid work could help couples transitioning into parenthood realizing their intended division of work.